


Davey Jacobs, the Hanukkah Elf

by timetogoslumming



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas AU, F/F, M/M, poly ship, the newsies work at a christmas village in the mall au that yall never asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11770002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetogoslumming/pseuds/timetogoslumming
Summary: Davey needs a job for the holidays and somehow becomes one of Santa's elves. Did anyone ever ask for the Newsies modern mall Christmas village au? absolutely not. am i doing it anyway? absolutely.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Whomever decided that khaki pants are the official job hunting uniform ought to be fed to hungry bull sharks _ , David thought as he stared at his knee, upon which he balanced a pumpkin spice latte. There was something about khakis that killed his soul a little bit. He sat back in the strategically uncomfortably armchair overlooking the mall’s atrium, stack of resumes on the small table next to the chair. The resumes basically said that he was a biology major who worked at Barnes and Noble for the summer and used to volunteer for synagogue events. There wasn’t much to say.

He needed a job, though, but wouldn’t have time to work when the new semester started, because of his heavy course load, so a seasonal retail job was sort of perfect. From his seat on the second floor, David could see shoppers milling about as mall staff gradually decorated the mall. A few guys on tall ladders were carefully stringing garland from the ceiling, and down in the atrium of the mall, which was normally a huge open area filled with tables, a crew was setting up what looked like a recreation of Santa’s workshop. Half of a massive artificial Christmas tree had already been set up, and a few workers were busy constructing what looked like a lifesize gingerbread house. 

Although David was Jewish and didn’t celebrate Christmas, he had always loved this time of year, when the temperature dropped and the stores had massive sales. He loved watching people rushing around doing their Christmas shopping. He had some to do, as well, for a few friends, as well as a couple of Hanukkah gifts for his family, but that would have to wait until he started getting a paycheck.

Noting the time, David quickly knocked back the rest of his coffee, gathered up his resumes, and dropped the cup into a nearby trash can. So far, he had put in applications at nearly a dozen stores, including a Build A Bear Workshop, which seemed like it would be an absolute nightmare during the holidays. As much as he needed a job, he was praying that they didn’t call him back. He dropped into several clothing stores, where the employees accepted his resume but eyed his too-big shirt and khakis with distaste. The only places that he felt were real options were a Gamestop, a Brookstone, and a Bath and Body Works. That was another one that he hoped didn’t call back. Stores like those made him sneeze. He had tried to apply for a job at the Apple store, but they rebuked him, saying that they only took online applications to stay green. They intimidated him, anyway, with their cool glasses and trendy haircuts and Apple watches. David’s haircut had cost him seven dollars at Great Clips.

He made his way down the stairs, where he applied at a Gymboree (hoping for death if he got that job), a candy store (ditto), and an unassuming little shop that sold handcarved models of ducks. The shop owners were a friendly older couple, and spent a long time asking him about his college classes, family, and plans for Christmas. After finding out that he didn’t actually know how to carve a wooden duck, they were disappointed. After finding out that he didn’t celebrate Christmas, they were downright flabbergasted. 

David was just skirting past Santa’s Workshop when a sign caught his eye. _ Santa’s Village - Now Hiring All Positions _ . There was a phone number listed right under that, and David reluctantly pulled out his phone and started dialing. Before he could even get the number typed in, though, a portly older man approached him. “You applying?” he asked. David nodded. “I’m the manager. Got a resume?” David handed the man a resume, which he skimmed quickly. “When can you start?”

“Oh,” David stammed. “Uh… whenever.” 

The manager nodded. “Training is on Saturday, nine am. $12.50 per hour.” 

“You’re offering me a job?” David asked, slightly stunned. “Just like that?”

“Yeah,” the manager replied. “We open in a week. Gotta get people trained and ready to go.”

“Okay, well… thanks.” 

 

On Saturday morning, David got up and made himself presentable, knocking back a cup of hot coffee as he got ready. He drove to the mall, which was mostly populated only with employees and mall walkers at this time of morning. A middle aged woman in yoga pants and Sketchers blew past him, power walking her way around the mall with an iPod strapped to her arm. David made his way to Santa’s workshop, which was almost fully set up. The Christmas tree was entirely in place, all of the small buildings and stands were set up, and a large throne-like chair had been placed in a spot of honor. A cluster of security ropes were ready to be strung out to control lines, a box of fake snow was waiting to be sprinkled about, and what looked like a huge disassembled nutcracker was ready to be put together. 

Most of the staff was already there, some of whom clutched Starbucks cups or energy drinks. They were mostly guys, most of whom looked to be around David’s age. A number of them seemed to know each other, and were standing around catching up. David stood awkwardly to the side. Promptly at nine, the manager stepped up and called everyone to order. “Alright, everyone. My name is Howard Weisel, and I’m the manager here.” He droned on and on about the importance of providing a fun and professional experience, which David, who was still half asleep, could barely pay attention, but the lecture was interrupted by Mr. Weisel’s cell phone ringing. He answered and had a short, tense conversation with someone on the other line, before hanging up. “I have to go take care of something. Jack,” he said to a boy near the front of the crowd. “Go get everyone sized for uniforms while I deal with this.” 

Jack led the group to a room next to the Macy’s, which looked like a break room that had been converted into a makeshift locker room. He grabbed a box and started digging through it, pulling out uniform sets. “Alright, fellas,” he said. “Line up.” 

An extremely short girl cleared her throat loudly, and Jack nodded. “And not-fellas.” They got into line and Jack passed out uniforms, chatting with people as they came up. When David made his way to the front, Jack introduced himself. “I’m Jack. What’s your name, and what size do you wear?” 

“I’m David,” he said, followed by his size. 

Jack rifled through the box for the right size. “David, huh? I’m gonna call you Davey, if that’s okay. We try to use sort of… elfier names.” 

“Elfier?” David replied. 

Jack nodded to the uniform that he was passing to David. “Yeah. You’re going to be an elf. Santa’s little helper, and all that. And you know, elves have cuter names than David. No offense.” David took the uniform and looked around, where the rest of the staff was trying on their uniforms. Uniforms was a generous term. A more accurate word for them would be costumes. And not very good ones. They were dressed as elves, and their costumes looked like cheap knock-offs of Buddy the Elf’s. 

“What’s your elf name?” David asked. 

“Santa,” Jack deadpanned. 

David looked Jack up and down. He was thin, tall, and young, with only dark scruff where a long white beard should have been. “Aren’t you a little…” he gestured vaguely at Jack. “You know, to be Santa?”

Jack laughed. “Toss on a fat suit and a good beard and you’d never know the difference. They always want  _ naturally bearded Santas _ , but have a lot of trouble finding any that pass the background or drug tests. Now go try your uniform on, you’re holding up the line.” 

David stepped over to the side, where everyone was changing. He was suddenly reminded of high school gym class, where a lot of the guys were openly changing right out in the open, although several stepped over to a more private area. David took his uniform to a corner, where he changed self consciously. The costume technically fit, but it was way too short in the legs and arms, exposing large swaths of his ankles and wrists. He tugged at the sleeves, trying to make them at least cover his wrists, but it was no use. 

Jack made his way over to David and stifled a laugh. “Do you have a bigger size?” David asked. 

Jack shook his head. “Nope. You’re just going to be Davey, the elf who can’t fit into his clothes. You’re taller than most people who work here. Don’t forget the shoes.” He pointed to a pair of curved green shoes with bells on the toes, which pointed up, and David scowled.

 

Once everyone was dressed (including Jack, who looked ridiculous in his Santa suit without his beard, hat, and wig), they made their way, still in full costume, back out to the workshop, where they found that Mr. Weisel still wasn’t back. Jack flopped onto the throne, adjusting his massive fake belly, leaning back like he owned the place. “I guess we can just hang out,” he said. “Question game. Someone throw out a question.”

“Age you were when you stopped believing in Santa,” the short girl from before called out. 

“I’m right here, babe,” Jack said cheekily with a wink. “Believe it.” 

The girl scowled. “And I’m still gay, Jack.”

Jack shrugged. “Okay. Go around and say your name and when you stopped believing in Santa. I’ll start. I’m Jack and I was six.”

The girl spoke up next. “Smalls. I was eight. My brother told me.”

It went that way for a while, and David did his best to keep up with everyone’s name. 

“Henry. Eight.” 

“Elmer. I don’t remember how old I was, but I caught my parents putting presents under the tree when I woke up to use the bathroom.”

A guy with red hair wearing dark sunglasses with his uniform was next. “Albert,” he said. “I was twelve.”

“ _ Twelve _ ?” a short, burly guy, also wearing sunglasses, laughed. 

Albert nodded, and another guy, who David remembered had introduced himself as Race, spoke up. “I don’t know why you’re surprised by that. He believes in Bigfoot and all that shit. Why not Santa?” 

“How’d you finally realize?” Jack asked from his throne. 

Albert shrugged meekly. “ _ You still believe in Santa, don’t you _ ?” the burly guy asked in delighted shock. 

“No I don’t,” Albert protested, shoving the guy. “Shut up!” 

“You do!” Jack yelled gleefully. 

“Look, I’m just saying, maybe in another part of the world, in a way, there is a Santa. You can’t just rule out the possibility!” 

“I don’t believe this,” Race groaned. 

The short, burly guy’s name was apparently Spot, and his family “didn’t do the whole Santa thing”. David was just excited not to be the only non-believer. 

A guy with thick glasses that seemed to magnify his eyes was next. “I’m Specs. I was six. I went through my parents’ computer and found a letter that Santa wrote me on it.”

“When you were  _ six _ ?” Albert asked skeptically.

“I was a gifted child.”

Finally, it was David’s turn. “I’m David. Or, uh, Davey, I guess. I’m Jewish so we didn’t do the Santa thing either. I was just told not to ruin it for the Christian kids.”

They kept going around the group, and David did his best to keep up with names, like Romeo, Finch, JoJo, and Buttons, but a lot of the names slipped right past him. Finally, Mr. Weisel came back. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Had to meet with the mall board about crowd control for Black Friday.” He pointed at Albert and Spot, who were apparently “security elves”. “We’ll discuss that later.”

For the rest of the day, the staff, who Weisel referred to collectively as the elves, were taught all about how to run the workshop. Its main function was to provide a space for kids to get their photos taken with Santa, but they would also be selling hot chocolate, baked goods, Christmas ornaments, and personalized stockings. They were all trained on every position, which ranged from line elf (whose job was to keep antsy kids waiting in line from being bored), cocoa elf, assistant elf (who helped Santa), bakery elf, shop elf, and floater elf. As he stood there in his ridiculous, too-small costume, David was already regretting taking the job. 

It was mid-November then, and they would be opening to the public officially the week before Thanksgiving, although Weisel didn’t expect business to pick up until Black Friday, when they would be opening at three in the morning and staying open until late at night. As much as he lectured them about Christmas cheer, Weisel sure didn’t seem to have any, as much as he complained about “those idiot holiday shoppers” or “the little brats”. 

As David was practicing with the screenprinting machine for the stockings, Jack made his way over. He had ditched the fake belly, which was slumped in his throne, and the huge Santa coat was tied around his waist, making him look like he was getting ready for some kind of Santa themed 90’s throwback photoshoot. As he made his way over, David checked the final product, only to see that half of it had not printed. “Having trouble?” Jack asked.

David shrugged and held out the stocking. “Little bit.”

Jack checked the machine, and found the problem quickly. “It’s not you,” he declared. “You’re low on ink. It wouldn’t work right for anyone like this. I’ll get some more.”

“That’s okay,” David said. “I’ll just ask Weisel.”

Jack shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m actually assistant manager on top of being Santa, so it’s no big deal. It looks like you’re doing it right, though, so it should work once the machine is working.” 

“Great, cool,” David replied. Jack slapped the top of the screen printer and headed jauntily through the mall to get ink, completely unaware of the stares he was getting in his partial Santa getup. 

Over at the hot chocolate station, Henry was painstakingly teaching Race how to make the perfect hot chocolate. “So, you’re going to pour, and leave room, because then you’re adding a layer of marshmallows, then whipped cream, then-  _ Race _ . Are you listening?” 

Race had zoned out halfway through Henry’s explanation and was now watching a woman at the Urban Outfitters across the atrium setting up a window display. “What? Yeah,” Race replied. “Pour the hot chocolate.”

“Then what?” Henry prompted. 

Race shrugged. “Marshmallows.”

“And then?”

“You… make sure they pay before they run off?”

“Pay attention.”

 

After going over security procedures with Weisel, Spot and Albert had begun to set up the security rope to wrap around the workshop. They had been bored all day, since they didn’t need to learn any of the other stations. Their entire job consisted mostly of crowd control, although they did end up arguing with a lot of suburban moms. It had been Albert’s idea the year prior for security elves to wear Rayban style glasses- he came into work hungover one day wearing glasses, and Spot copied him so Weisel wouldn’t know. After that day, it stuck, and it helped to identify them from the other elves. 

“Are you going out tonight?” Al asked Spot as he passed over the end of a rope. 

Spot shook his head. “Nah, I went out last night. I’m just chilling tonight. You?”

Al shrugged. “Maybe. Haven’t decided.” 

“You should come over to my place. My roommate’s out of town so we can actually use the tv.”

“I’ll be there.”

 

After Jack reinstalled the ink, he went to check on Specs. “Is Crutchie not working this year?” Specs asked.

“He is,” Jack replied. “But he’s a photographer this year, so he has a different training. How’s Lucy?”

“She’s doing great. Better than last year, for sure.”

“That’s good. Tell her hi for me.”

“You got it.”

 

Just before five o’clock, Weisel gathered everyone around to wrap up. “Okay. That was a good training session today. Tomorrow, we go over emergency plans with the police force-” this was punctuated by the returning staff groaning. “Watch it!” Weisel snapped. “Those men serve and protect this mall and the people in it! Anyway, we’re doing that, and we’ll be going over sales techniques, upselling, the point of sale system… the works. Be here at nine sharp and, uh… bring your Christmas cheer, I guess.”

They left Weisel and all went back to the makeshift locker room to change out of their elf costumes, which were sort of itchy and way too hot. Davey wasn’t even sure why they had to wear them during training. “A bunch of us are getting dinner in the food court,” Jack announced to everyone assembled there. “You’re welcome to join.” His stuff was right next to David’s, so after dropping off his fat suit, Jack ambled over to retrieve his actual clothes. “You coming to eat?”

“I don’t know…” David replied.

“Come on!” Jack goaded. “Get to know the guys.” A throat was cleared loudly behind him, just like that morning. “And girls.” 

“Alright.”

  
  


Pumpkin Spice Latte:

 

Ingredients   
  
1 cup milk   
2 tablespoons pure pumpkin puree   
1 tablespoon sugar   
1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice, plus more for sprinkling   
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract   
1/4 cup hot espresso or strong brewed coffee   
Sweetened whipped cream, for serving

 

Combine the milk, pumpkin puree, sugar, pumpkin pie spice and vanilla in a medium microwave safe bowl, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and vent with a small hole. Microwave until the milk is hot, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk vigorously until the milk mixture is foamy, about 30 seconds.

Pour the espresso or coffee into a large mug and add the foamed milk. Top with whipped cream and a sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice.

(Credits to the Food Network Recipe at  [ http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/pumpkin-spice-latte-3363265 ](http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/pumpkin-spice-latte-3363265) )


	2. They're Taking the Hobbits to Santa's Workshop!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David gets to know his coworkers and has a run-in with the authorities.

As a group, they walked to the food court, where they all split up to order separately. Davey made his way with Specs and Race to the Panda Express, while the rest of the group got in line at various other establishments. As soon as they had their food (Race, in particular, had ordered enough for about three people), they made their way to a cluster of tables that Jack and Romeo were in the process or pushing together to make room for everyone. They took their seats, with David settling in between Romeo and Albert. Not everyone had stayed behind to get dinner, but a large portion of the staff was there.

Mostly, David just sat back and listened, trying to make sure he got everyone’s name. Spot nursed a protein smoothie, complaining about the lack of good vegetarian options in the food court. Race was mostly quiet, shoveling in a steady amount of food, while occasionally throwing out a quick jab, mostly toward either Jack or Spot. Finally, Jack turned to David. “What’s your story?” he asked. 

“Uh, what?” David replied dumbly around a mouthful of noodles. 

Jack rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Tell us about yourself!” 

David swallowed as quickly as he was able to. “Uh, I’m a bio major. Pre-med. A junior-”

“I don’t need your resume,” Jack interrupted. “Other stuff.”

“Oh.” Davey thought for a moment. “I like… animals,” he started awkwardly. “And reading…” 

“Animals and reading,” Spot repeated, deadpan. “Fascinating.” David could feel his cheeks beginning to heat up.

“Well, I never know what to say when people ask that!” he replied defensively.

“Well, what do you like reading?” Jack asked, shooting Spot a warning look.

David shrugged. “I don’t know. Lots of stuff. I really like fantasy, though. Like, the Lord of the Rings books are my favorites.”

“Hey, I liked those movies!” Albert interjected. “The Hobbit? So good.”

“The Hobbit movies were a disaster,” David snapped before he could think to stop himself. Everyone turned to stare at him. “I- mean…” he paused, before accepting that he couldn’t contain the upcoming rant any longer. “Yeah, they were a total mess. The first one had a bit of promise, but it just went off the rails from there. Like, I’m surprised that they haven’t announced plans for a Middle Earth theme park because half of those movies were just cheap action scenes that would be better off as commercials for a ride than as a movie. And what was up with that Tauriel character? I get that they were trying to add in more female characters because Tolkein never writes enough, but come on. We all know that they were trying to capitalize on Arwen’s character from the original movies, but at least Arwen was an existing character, even if they did wildly exaggerate her role. Tauriel was completely invented for this movie, and to serve as a love interest that Kili didn’t need. They just needed to show that the hot dwarf could land the hot elf girl. And I understand why Legolas would have a place within the battle of the five armies, but there was no reason to make him such a major character. He wasn’t even in the Hobbit book, although he absolutely could have been, since Thranduil was his father, and Legolas was alive at the time.” 

By this point, everyone was staring- a few people looked shocked, but a few looked like they were holding back laughter. Jack had his head on the table, face buried in his arms, and his shoulders shook. “I just don’t know what Hobbit they were working with, but it definitely wasn’t the same one I read,” David finished sheepishly.

There was a long silence, which Albert finally broke. “I liked the dwarves,” he said simply.

“I liked the songs,” Romeo added. 

By this point, David felt like he was probably bright red, both from the excitement of ranting about the Hobbit and from embarrassment about ranting about the Hobbit. “The songs were actually the best part of the movies,” David conceded. The Misty Mountains song had been his ringtone for a while. 

“Alright,” Jack said, finally composing himself and trying to stop laughing. “So Davey’s a nerd. That’s fun.” 

“Lord of the Rings is one of the top selling film franchises ever,” Davey mumbled angrily. “Liking it doesn’t make me a nerd.”

With that, Specs stood up, gathering up his trash. “I’ve got to get home,” he said.

“Already?” Race asked.

“I’ve got to get home to Lucy.”

“Tell her hey for me,” Romeo added.

 

They stayed at the table talking for a while, and Jack and Race got into a massive argument about some people knew from a camp that they worked at during the summer. “Dude,” Jack was saying. “Blink and Mush are  _ not _ together.”

“Then why are they always sneaking off to the handyman cabin together?” Race shot back.

Jack threw up his hands. “Because they’re stoners and that’s where they go to get high!” 

“Yeah. Get high and make out.”

“Making out doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with someone,” Spot added. 

Race stared at him curiously. “Yeah?” he asked. “Speaking from experience?”

“No,” Spot retorted. “It just doesn’t.”

“ _ Okay _ ,” Race replied, drawing the word out. “Well, they’re still together.”

A gentle whirring noise interrupted them, and the group turned to see a mall cop in his twenties on a Segway heading their way. “What do you want, Oscar?” Jack snapped before the Segway was even parked. 

“Mall policy states that furniture is not to be moved,” the mall cop, Oscar, said, nodding at the tables that they had pushed together.

“Show me the policy,” Spot said in a bored voice. “In writing.”

“Pick that wedgie out of your ass,” Jack added. “We’ll put them back. Chill out.”

“Watch the attitude,” the mall cop snapped. “And make sure you… throw away your trash when you’re done.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Race replied in a cloyingly sweet voice. 

Oscar the mall cop stared menacingly at them before Segwaying away toward the JC Penney store. “What just happened?” one of the new employees, Hannah, asked. 

“Oscar Delancey,” Jack spat. “He and his brother are mall cops. They’re just ridiculous losers on a power trip.”

“His brother, Morris, literally follows me around whenever I go into a store, breathing down my neck,” Race added. “Like, don’t they have anything better to do?”

“Why you?” Hannah asked.

Race rolled his eyes. “We went to the same elementary school and I stole a toy from him in second grade. He’s never let it go.”

“Pathetic,” Spot grumbled.

They finished eating and eventually dispersed back to their respective homes. On the way out, Race caught up with Spot and Albert, who were walking back to the parking garage together. “Hey, can I catch a ride from one of you?” he asked. “My car’s in the shop.”

Albert glared at Race. “You know I can work on it for you!” 

“I know, bro. But my mom just wants me to go to a licensed mechanic.”

“Licensed mechanic, my ass,” Al grumbled angrily. “Have fun paying double what it’s worth.”

“You can ride with me,” Spot said before Albert could get started. “And Al. I’m giving him a ride, too.”

Race looked back to Albert. “What’s wrong with your car?”

Al shrugged. “Low on gas. Don’t really have the money for more just yet.”

In Spot’s massive Jeep, they rode along with loud rap music blaring from the speakers. Albert lived closest to the mall, with Race about two miles down the road from his place. Without even slowing down, Spot blasted past Al’s apartment. “You forgot to turn,” Race yelled over the music. 

“I forgot something at Spot’s,” Al yelled back from the backseat. “We’re going to drop you off before I go get it.”

 

At the Jacobs home, David was interrogated by his entire family about his new job. As embarrassing as it was, he didn’t want his family to know exactly what he did, so he passed it off as a simple customer service job. Sarah, however, worked for the mall’s PR department, and knew exactly what he was doing. She smirked at him across the kitchen table where they were all gathered while the rest of the family ate their dinner, and they used eye contact and twin telepathy to have a silent conversation across the table. 

_ Tell them. _

No.

_ Tell them what your job is. _

No. 

_ Tell them or I’ll tell them. _

Sarah, stop it.

Sarah turned her most winning smile on David. “Do you have a uniform that you have to wear?” she asked sweetly.

“Yes,” David replied through gritted teeth. 

“Oh, what’s the uniform like?” his mother asked.

“ _ It’s an elf, _ ” he mumbled, too quietly for anyone else to hear. 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” Sarah said. “What did you say your uniform is?”

David sighed. “It’s an elf costume.”

Sarah burst into delighted laughter, followed quickly by Les. “You’re playing an elf?” his father asked.

“Like one of Santa’s elves?” added his mother.

David nodded shamefully. “Yeah, um… it’s not really just a holiday shop. It’s one of those… pictures with Santa places…”

By this point, the entire family looked positively giddy at the idea of their sarcastic and serious son and brother dressing up as one of Santa’s happy little elves and spreading Christmas cheer. “Do you have pictures?” Les asked, practically begging.

“No,” David snapped. “And there won’t  _ be _ any pictures.”

“Davey,” Sarah started. David flinched at the use of his childhood name, which was now his  _ elf name _ . “You’re working in a giant photo booth. There will be pictures. Especially if I have anything to do with it.” 

“And me!” Les interjected. “Mom,” he said seriously. “Can I get my picture taken with Santa?”

“Aren’t you a little old for that?” his mother asked.

“And a little bit Jewish?” David added bitterly.

“I’m not too old if it means making David be my elf servant.”

David grimaced. It was going to be a long holiday season.

 

The next morning, they all met in the locker room, where Jack was already waiting, holding his Santa hat. “Hey, guys.” A throat was cleared in the background. “ _ And girls _ . You don’t have to do that every time, Smalls. Guys is gender neutral.”

“No, it isn’t,” Smalls said from the back of the group, where she had an arm wrapped around the waist of a girl much taller than her. The photographers were here today, including the tall girl, who had introduced herself as Sniper, and a boy with a wide, friendly smile on elbow crutches, who had actually introduced himself as Crutchie. 

“Okay,” Jack continued. “Anyway. Weasel’s running late today, so we’re going to go ahead and draw names for Secret Santa. You’ll have the same person all season, and you can just put like, little notes and gifts in their locker every now and then, and then you can get them a bit of a bigger gift at the end of season party. Just don’t go telling everyone who you have, because that sort of ruins it.”

Jack made his way around the room, letting people draw little slips of paper with names written on them out of the Santa hat. At they read their names, people either looked excited or confused, looking around the room to try to figure out who they got. In a couple of cases, David watched as people seemed to make trades surreptitiously. Apparently keeping it a secret wasn’t quite as big of a deal to everyone. Jack finally got to David, who reached in and drew out a slip of paper, which had  _ Specs _ written on it in an almost elegant handwriting. Jack grabbed the last name from the hat, checked it out with a small smile, and shoved the slip of paper in his pocket. 

 

Weisel finally made it in, so they spent the day learning all about sales techniques, as well as a way-too-long lesson on the proper method of giving a kid a gingerbread cookie after they finished getting pictures with Santa. (Offer it up too fast and you look like you’re rushing them out. Act too casual and they’ll think it’s not important, which apparently, it was. Come off too pushy and you may end up with a kid with an allergic reaction.) The day passed slowly, but David found himself beginning to join in on joking around with the other staff members and genuinely enjoying himself. At one point, he and Hannah held a silent, pantomimed puppet show illustrating Weisel’s inexplicable hatred of Christmas, as told by gingerbread men. 

 

The next morning when David got to work, there was a little bag of gold chocolate coins-  _ gelt- _ waiting in his locker.

  
  


Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Hanukkah Gelt

 

Ingredients: 

1 pound dark chocolate (not chips)   
Sea Salt   
You will also need:   
Molds or mini muffin tin   
Double Boiler (aka two pots)   
Rubber spatula   
Candy thermometer   
Pastry brush   
Edible glitter in blue and gold (or gold leaf, if you’re feeling extra luxe)

 

Instructions: 

  1. First, chop your chocolate up into pieces. Now we are going to temper the chocolate which makes it shiny and pretty, plus a perfect texture.
  2. Melt ⅔ of the chocolate in a double boiler constantly stirring with a rubber spatula until it reaches 115 degrees F (46 degrees C). Use a candy thermometer to track the temperature, or I just used my (cleaned really well) meat thermometer.
  3. Then add in the remaining chocolate and stir. The heat will melt this chocolate, which in turn cools it down. Keep mixing until you reach 88 degrees F (31 degrees C). Remove any chunks that hasn’t melted if there are any.
  4. Test a piece by brushing a piece of the chocolate on wax paper. If it dries smooth and pretty, you did it!! If it looks dull and has white streaks, well, you can always cover it with glitter!
  5. Using a pastry brush, brush a layer into the molds making sure to get into all the crevices. Top with a sprinkling of sea salt if desired. Then freeze for 5 minutes until set. Make sure to keep your chocolate warm in the interim between 88 and 90 degrees F (31 – 32 degrees C) by keeping it over the warm (heat on low) double boiler as necessary.
  6. Finish by pouring more chocolate into the molds until they are full and brush excess off.
  7. Freeze for at least an hour, if not more. Then pop the candies out of the mold. They should come out pretty easy! If excess chocolate sticks, you can always trim with a paring knife.
  8. Alternatively, if you don’t have molds you can drop the chocolate into disk shapes on wax paper and freeze.
  9. If desired, decorate with edible glitter or gold leaf and wrap in foil.



 

Recipe taken from http://whatjewwannaeat.com/dark-chocolate-sea-salt-gelt-recipe/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope yall are enjoying this so far! updates will be random.  
> check out my newsies blog on tumblr at spralbert.tumblr.com  
> OR  
> check out my christmas blog at santamaybe.tumblr.com.


	3. Silver Sparkles and Snowglobes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Santa's Workshop opens for the season and we learn a little something about Specs.

The morning that Santa’s Workshop opened, David woke up with a bad headache. He hadn’t been able to sleep well the night before, which always got to him. David was the kind of person that needed at least seven hours to function. He drank a full glass of water and took an Excedrin, pocketing the bottle for later, in hopes that that would help at least a bit. On the way out, he grabbed a slice of pumpkin bread that his mom had made the night before, wrapping it up in Saran wrap to bring for a Secret Santa gift for Specs. He had not gotten any more gifts since the gelt, and had kept forgetting to bring Specs anything at all.

The mall was empty when he arrived, as per usual, and the rest of the staff was already in the locker room, getting dressed in their ridiculous elf costumes. David would just have to put Specs’ gift in his locker later, when the room wasn’t quite so crowded. In his own locker, there was a Coke bottle that said  _ Share a Coke with David _ on the label. 

Just as David was buttoning up the ridiculous yellow buttons on his shirt, Smalls and Sniper started going around with a pot of silver body glitter. “Crouch down, Davey,” Smalls said as she got a bit of the glitter onto her fingertips. “I need to put this on your face.”

“What? No!” David protested. 

“Elves have silver sparkles on their cheeks,” Sniper said seriously. 

“Since when?”

Smalls rolled her eyes. “Since the 1994 hit movie  _ The Santa Clause _ . Now crouch down so I can put glitter on your face.” 

“No way.”

Smalls reached out and grabbed a handful of David’s shirt, pulling him in close. While he was too shocked to react, Sniper, quick as a whip, darted her hand out, smearing silver body glitter across his cheeks. He cringed but allowed Sniper to finish applying the glitter. 

As she was finishing, Spot kicked the door open, arms full, carrying a Keurig coffee maker, with Race trailing behind with boxes of what looked like coffee pods and paper cups. “Fuel up,” Race said as he and Spot got the Keurig set up. A line formed at the coffee maker after it was filled with water as one by one, they made their drinks. 

Before they knew it, though, it was time to take their places as elves in Santa’s Workshop. Jack was fully outfitted in his Santa costume and with the beard, wig, hat, and glasses obscuring his face, it was actually pretty convincing. David felt just as ridiculous as ever in his too-short costume, which he had taken to tugging at when his hands needed something to do. 

There was already a line forming, and the people in line started to cheer when the elves and Santa came into view. Albert and Spot escorted Jack, bodyguard style, to his throne, where he made a big production of getting comfortable in just the right spot. Henry, who was scheduled to man the hot chocolate booth, brought him a hot chocolate, which they all knew was mostly coffee, and a plate of cookies that he would not be eating. Jack hated gingerbread. 

Albert and Spot took their places at the front of the line, the other staff members found their places, and the first family was allowed in. David was working at the retail desk, where he would handle the register for sales of Christmas ornaments and knick knacks, until lunchtime, when he would switch to become Santa’s assistant. The first stop was always with Santa, and David watched as a very young child sat on Jack’s lap, listing off all of the things that he wanted for Christmas while Jack listened intently. Sniper got the kid’s attention, snapped a photo, and the child and his family were ushered on farther into the workshop, where they would be encouraged to buy anything and everything. The scent of hot chocolate and cookies (helped along by hidden candles and air fresheners placed strategically throughout the area) was intoxicating, and encouraged spending. As magical as the workshop may have seemed to an outdoor observer, it was a carefully choreographed exercise in capitalism. 

David’s first customer was an old lady, possibly the grandmother of the child she was watching, who took ages sorting through the ornaments, searching for ones with the names of her family members on them. She was a sweet old lady, and had bought her granddaughter a hot chocolate and a nutcracker wearing a dress. 

The work was easy, and as ridiculous as David thought it all was, it was nice seeing how excited the kids got (with the exception of some, who just screamed the entire time). After a few hours of working, David noticed Romeo in line with a little girl sitting on his shoulders. She had her hair in two buns and wore a red Christmas dress. When they got to the front, Romeo put the girl down, and she bolted straight to Specs, who was working for the time being as Santa’s assistant. “Daddy!” the girl yelled, and Specs caught her and picked her up once she reached him. 

“Hey, Lu,” Specs said, as David watched curiously. “Having a good day with Uncle Ro?” Romeo was off that morning, and wouldn’t come in until the second shift of the day. 

The girl nodded and wrapped her arms around Specs’ neck, clinging to him tightly. She looked to be around three years old. “We goed to IHOP,” she said. “And the park.”

“You  _ went _ to IHOP and the park,” Specs corrected. “Come on, come meet Santa.” He carried the girl over to Jack and passed her off. 

“Good morning, Lucy,” Jack said in his Santa voice. “I saw you on my list and it looks like you’ve been a very good girl this year. What do you want for Christmas?” 

Lucy rattled off what seemed like a never-ending list, including several Moana toys, a trip to Disneyworld, a kitten, bunk beds, water balloons, a box of popcorn, a playhouse, a bike, and a trumpet. When she finally finished, Jack handed her a cookie and Specs passed her back off to Romeo. “Get some of those pictures,” he said. “The grandparents are going to want some, and I want a couple. Thanks, bro.”

Romeo led the little girl to David’s booth after ordering a set of photos. Generally, you had to wait around for them, but he just told Crutchie at the photo booth to give them to Specs later. “Do you want to pick some Christmas presents out?” Romeo asked Lucy. “Maybe for your dad?” Lucy wandered into the shop area, browsing, while Romeo chatted with David and Hannah, who were both working. 

“I didn’t know Specs had a kid,” David said.

“Yeah, well, he does,” Romeo replied, almost snappily. 

Lucy wandered back over, carrying a snowglobe with Elsa and Anna from  _ Frozen _ inside. “I want this.”

“I thought you were looking for a present for your dad,” Romeo scolded gently. 

Lucy stared down at the snowglobe. “This is for Daddy…” she mumbled slowly, enchanted by the swirling fake snow. 

“How about something else,” Romeo suggested. “What about a mug?”

“Okay…” Lucy said, handing over the snowglobe. 

As soon as she looked away, Romeo passed it to David. “Put this on hold for me,” he whispered. 

Lucy ended up picking out a perfectly tacky mug featuring dogs in Christmas sweaters, and Romeo paid for it for her. He swung Lucy back up onto his shoulders and after waving goodbye to a few people, grabbed mug and walked back into the mall toward the parking lot. 

 

David took his break before they all rotated jobs, slipping back into the breakroom, where he dropped the wrapped up slice of pumpkin bread in Specs’ locker. It was a good thing that he did it when he did, because Specs came into the room just after David took a seat in one of the folding chairs that they had set up. “Hey,” Specs said, before going to his locker to grab his phone. He found the pumpkin bread,  unwrapped it, and sniffed it quickly. “Oh, sweet, pumpkin.” He took a seat in one of the folding chairs and started in on the bread.

“I didn’t know you had a daughter,” David said conversationally. 

Specs looked up quizzically. “I talk about Lucy all the time,” he said. 

It was true. Lucy came up a lot in conversation. David had just never realized who they were talking about. “Yeah, I know. I just… thought you had a cat or something.”

Specs cracked a smile. “Yeah, well, she’s human. I think.”

“How old is she?”

“Almost three. Her birthday is December twenty-ninth.”

David glanced at Specs’ hand for a moment. He didn’t see a ring, but that didn’t mean anything. “Are you married?”

Specs picked awkwardly at his pumpkin bread. “Uh, no,” he replied. “Lucy’s mom died a little while ago. But we weren’t married before that, either.”

“Oh,” David replied simply. He didn’t know what else to say. “I’m really sorry…”

Specs waved him off. He had heard it all before. “Yeah, I mean, it sucks. But it is what it is.”

“Is it just you?” David asked, hoping that he wasn’t prying too much. “That must be rough.”

“Nah,” Specs said, shaking his head. “Romeo’s my roommate, and he’s her uncle- her mom was his sister- and he’s a lot of help. And our parents take care of her a lot. I mean like, it’s not easy. It’s not like I planned on being a single dad at my age.”

“She’s a cute kid,” David said.

“Yeah, she is,” Specs replied, smiling fondly at that. “This is the first Christmas without Rosa- her mom- which sucks, but it’s also kind of the first year that she’s old enough to really get the whole Santa thing, so we’re trying to make it fun for her. She’s been talking about coming to meet Santa for weeks now. She thinks it’s the coolest thing that I’m friends with him.” Specs leaned back in his chair as he finished up the pumpkin bread. “I don’t know. It’s hard, and I was definitely freaked out when Rosa got pregnant, and when she died, but I wouldn’t trade it, you know? She’s the best.”

  
  


Pumpkin Bread

 

Ingredients   
  
3 cups sugar   
1 cup vegetable oil   
4 eggs, lightly beaten   
16 ounces canned unsweetened pumpkin   
3 1/2 cups flour   
2 teaspoons salt   
2 teaspoons baking soda   
1 teaspoon baking powder   
1 teaspoon nutmeg   
1 teaspoon allspice   
1 teaspoon cinnamon   
1/2 teaspoon cloves   
2/3 cup water   
  


Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour 2 9 by 5 loaf pans. Stir together sugar and oil. Stir in eggs and pumpkin. Combine dry ingredients in separate bowl. Blend dry ingredients and water into wet mixture, alternating. Divide batter between two loaf pans. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until cake tester comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes. Remove from pans and cool.

 

Recipe from Food Network at http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/pumpkin-bread-recipe-1957866


	4. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Thanksgiving at Santa's Workshop and Davey has become a hot commodity.

The longer that David worked at Santa’s Village, the easier it became. At the same time, though, he was already extremely disillusioned with parents. The kids were, at times, annoying. The parents, though, were occasionally impossible. 

On Thanksgiving day, Davey was working as one of Santa’s assistants, so he and Specs were hovering near Jack as he spoke to the kids. One young boy around four years old bounded into Jack’s lap and immediately started rattling off a list of toys that he wanted. After an extensive list, he finished by asking for “an Elsa doll that sings ‘Let it Go’”. 

The boy’s mother, who was waiting just out of the camera’s shot, clearly disapproved. “That’s a girl toy, Aiden.”

The little boy, Aiden, pouted. His demeanor instantly changed from bubbly and excited to dejected. “But I want Elsa.”

Aiden’s mother crossed her arms. “If God wanted you to have girl toys, He would have made you a girl.”

Davey watched as Jack glanced up quickly at the mother, anger dancing behind his eyes. “Elsa sure is a popular toy this year,” he said in his Santa voice, still jolly, although there was an obvious tone of annoyance behind it. Jack wrapped things up with the kid before sending him on his way. 

As Aiden’s mother passed by David, his petty side could stay silent no longer. “Happy Hanukkah!” he called. The mother turned back to him, horrified, and David fixed her with a bright, winning smile. 

 

That night, the shift change happened early. They had already missed Thanksgiving, and most of them would have to be back at the mall around midnight for black Friday. Davey, Hannah, and Jack went back to the locker room to change back into their non-elf clothes together. As Hannah disappeared to the area that the girls had sectioned off for themselves, Jack cracked jokes about some of the kids and parents that had come through the line. “And your fucking… ‘Happy Hanukkah’”, Jack laughed. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I’m just glad Weisel wasn’t around to hear,” David replied as he scrubbed the glitter off his cheeks. 

Hannah emerged from the girl’s area then, dressed normally now, and motioned to David. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” 

David stepped over to the side with Hannah as Jack got dressed by his locker. “What’s up?” David asked Hannah. 

Hannah awkwardly fiddled with the sleeve of the sweater that she was wearing and refused to make eye contact with David. “I was just wondering… I know we don’t really know each other very well, but… well, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go out sometime.”

Whatever David had expected, it hadn’t been that. He didn’t notice Jack freeze in the corner, waiting to hear an answer. “Oh, uh… Hannah, you’re really cool,” David started. Hannah’s face began to fall. This clearly wasn’t heading toward a yes. “I’m just… I’m gay.”

“Wait, really?” Hannah asked. “You don’t have to lie about being gay if you’re not really. If you don’t want to, you can just say.”

David shook his head. “No, I’m actually gay. Like,  _ really _ gay. You’re really nice and I’d love to hang out sometime, but… anyway, it just wouldn’t work out. I’m sorry.”

At this, Hannah did seem to perk up some. There was something about finding out that they weren’t rejected because of anything they did, just because of their gender not lining up with someone’s preferences, that made person feel a little better about rejection. “Oh. Okay! Well, sorry about that- don’t worry about it! And we can definitely hang out sometime.” She grabbed her bag and slung it over one shoulder. “Anyway, I should get going. My mom’s holding dinner for me. See you guys later.”

 

After the door swung closed behind Hannah, Jack leaned against his locker, smirking. “Well, that was awkward,” he said cheerfully. “So, you’re ‘like,  _ really _ gay’, huh?”

David turned on Jack. “Is that a problem?” 

Jack held up his hands in surrender and shook his head. “Nah. I’m bi, anyway. I just had no idea. With this group, you don’t have to stay in the closet or anything.”

David rolled his eyes. “Jack, I haven’t been in the closet since I was twelve years old. It just doesn’t exactly come up a lot in this line of work.”

Jack shrugged. “Okay, fair enough.” By this point, they were both fully dressed and walked out of the locker room together toward the parking lot. “So, do you have a boyfriend?” Jack asked.

“No,” David replied. “You? Or a girlfriend?”

“Nope! Free as a bird.” They walked in silence for a while. “You want to hang out sometime?” Jack asked as they walked past the Claire’s. 

“Oh, sure,” David said absently. They hung out after work fairly regularly with some of the other elves, anyway. “But not tonight. My parents are already mad that I missed Thanksgiving at my grandparents’ house.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jack replied. “Tomorrow? After work? We’re working the same shift. We can maybe go get dinner? Or… actually… it would be lunch.”

“Sounds good.” They made it back to the parking lot then. “Oh, I’m parked over here,” David said, motioning in the general direction of his car. 

“I’m that way,” Jack said, pointing in the opposite direction. For some reason, he was grinning widely. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then? Or… tonight, I guess?”

“Yeah. See you then.”

 

As they split up, Jack pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Crutchie.  _ yooooooo. i asked davey out.  _

A reply came from Crutchie almost immediately.  _ ayyyyy. so he IS gay? _

_ yup. anyway, gotta drive. see ya tonight.  _

They had been wondering whether or not Davey was gay for a while, ever since Jack and Crutchie found his Instagram account and noticed a lot of pictures with a certain guy, as well as a few pictures from a pride rally. Now that Jack knew that the guy wasn’t Davey’s boyfriend, he was free to ask out the cute new elf.

 

Back at the Jacobs house, Esther had held dinner for David, sealed up in Tupperware containers from his Oma’s house. “How was work?” Esther asked as she put some food in the microwave for him. 

“Long,” David said with a sigh, collapsing into a kitchen chair. Sarah was already there with her girlfriend, Kath, who had come with the Jacobs family to Thanksgiving. “And this girl asked me out.”

“What girl?” Kath asked. 

David shrugged. “A girl I work with. Hannah. She’s really nice, and I like her a lot. But, you know. I’m a bit too gay for that.”

“You know, you work with my ex,” Kath said conversationally as Esther handed David a plate of food and then left the kitchen, leaving the younger people alone. 

“Really? Who?”

“Jack Kelly,” Kath replied. “We went out before I met Sarah.”

“Oh,” David said after swallowing a huge bite of stuffing. “Yeah, Jack is really cool. We’re hanging out tomorrow after work.”

Sarah smirked. “Hanging out?” she asked. “Or  _ hanging out _ ?”

“Just hanging out,” David said, fixing her with a stern look. “Regular hanging out. We’re just getting lunch after our shift.”

“Watch out with Jack,” Kath warned. “He tends to fall hard and fast for people.”

“It’s not like that.” 

Kath shrugged. “I didn’t say it was. But just in case.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

 

Across town, Albert buttoned his shirt in Spot’s apartment. “What’s going on here?” he asked, voicing the thought that had been running through his head for weeks. 

“What do you mean, what’s going on here?” Spot asked lazily.

“I mean like… are we a thing- toss me my shoes, will ya?- are we just hooking up? What is this?”

Spot tossed Albert his shoes, which had been haphazardly kicked off next to the bed. “You really want to have this talk right now?” he asked.

Albert shrugged. “I mean, you wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me,” he said. “You’re usually the one who calls me up. And I know you like Race, so am I just like… I don’t know- Filler until you can get with him?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Spot replied. 

“Don’t call me stupid,” Albert snapped, bristling.

Spot shrugged, sitting up. “Well, you’re being stupid! It’s not like that.”

Albert tied his shoes. “Don’t worry about giving me a ride to work later,” he said coldly. “I’ll drive myself.” 

 

**Classic Cornbread Stuffing**

  
  


**FOR THE CORNBREAD**

1 cup yellow cornmeal, preferably organic stone ground

½ cup all purpose flour or whole wheat flour

¾ teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon baking powder

½ teaspoon baking soda

2 eggs

1 cup plain low-fat yogurt or buttermilk

½ cup milk

1 tablespoon mild honey

2 to 3 tablespoons unsalted butter (to taste)

**FOR THE CORNBREAD AND SAGE STUFFING**

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, or 1 tablespoon each olive oil and unsalted butter

1 large onion, finely chopped

Salt to taste

4 stalks celery, cut in small dice

4 garlic cloves, minced

2 teaspoons rubbed sage, or 2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage

1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves or 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme

½ cup finely chopped flat-leaf parsley

Freshly ground pepper

A double batch of cornbread (see above), crumbled you can do this in a food processor fitted with the steel blade

½ cup milk, or as necessary, for moistening

4 tablespoons unsalted butter if baking separately

 

**PREPARATION**

FOR THE CORNBREAD

  1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Place a 9-inch cast iron skillet, a heavy 2-quart baking dish or a heavy 9-inch square baking pan in the oven while you prepare the batter.
  2. Place the cornmeal in a bowl, and sift in the flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Stir the mixture with a spoon or whisk to amalgamate. In a separate bowl, beat together the eggs, yogurt (or buttermilk), milk and honey. Whisk the cornmeal mixture into the liquid mixture. Do not overwork the batter.
  3. Remove the pan from the oven, and add the butter to the pan. Swirl the pan so that the butter melts quickly before it gets too brown, then quickly whisk the butter into the batter. Brush the sides of the pan with any butter remaining in the pan.
  4. Quickly scrape all of the batter into the hot pan, and place in the oven. Bake 35 to 40 minutes, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. It will be quite brown on the edges. Allow the bread to cool in the pan, or serve warm.
  5. Heat the olive oil (or oil and butter) over medium heat in a large, heavy, nonstick skillet, and add the onion. Cook, stirring often, until it begins to soften, about three minutes, and add 1/2 teaspoon salt and the celery. Cook together for another few minutes, until the onion is tender. Add the garlic, and stir together for 30 seconds to a minute, until fragrant. Transfer to a large bowl, and add the remaining ingredients. Combine well. Taste and adjust salt. Moisten as desired with milk.
  6. Stuff the cavity of the turkey, or transfer to a buttered or oiled 2-quart baking dish. Dot with butter. Cover with aluminum foil, and heat through in a 325-degree oven for 30 minutes.



 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope yall enjoyed this?????? im having a lot of fun writing it. also, merry christmas!


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